Daddies Change Diapers Too

Five years ago, after a long day of teaching I walked into the high school office to fill out a trip request form when the secretaries asked me how my sons were. At the time, they were still babies, so talking about crawling, walking, and eating habits were pretty common. My principal came out of his office and said that he was babysitting this weekend. Everyone was quiet waiting for him to explain his comment, and I was just hoping that he wasn't going to say he watching his own kids. He did indeed confirm my suspicion that he was "babysitting" his own children when he said that his wife was going to be out of town. I will never forget that conversation. I remember being angry that a dad would say that, but so grateful that my own husband would never do that. How do I know my husband would never say that? 

When our first son was born, it was pure joy. When our second son was born it was profound harmony in our family. My husband did everything I did. When the baby woke up in the middle of the night, my husband would get out of bed, tip toe to his crib, and bring him to me for his 3am feeding. When he was done eating, my husband changed his diaper, swaddled him, and rocked him back to sleep. When it was time for me to go back to work after maternity leave we didn't have daycare yet, so my husband took vacation to stay home with our son. 

When I was teaching, my husband was forced to be more involved because I was expected to be married to my work. Since I was in a man's job, it was expected that I spend the majority of my time building an excellent Agriculture program. I spent even more time with that program making sure it was a success because so many people expected me to fail because I was a woman. My husband never complained that I was working too much or missing out on all the important things. I was pregnant with our third child before I realized that I would never give up trying to be the best Agriculture teacher, which meant I couldn't be the best mom. So I gave it up. 

Now I get a little irritated when old ladies at the grocery store praise my husband for being able to get groceries and handle all four kids all on his own, or when they say how lucky I am to have such a helpful husband. I roll my eyes and think where the hell is my parade?! My husband knows that I'm not upset with him, I'm pissed as society. The same society that thinks it's okay for fathers to call watching their own children "babysitting."

My husband doesn't babysit, he co-parents. He is raising his children. He is being the best example of what a father, husband, and parent should be. My friend once told me that I got one of the good ones, referring to my husband. I would say that if every father taught their sons how to be a father then every husband would be a good one, not just mine. 

4th child: 4th baptism

As I was tucking my 5-year old into bed, he asked me if he was baptized. I said yes. Then he asked me if his brother and sister were baptized. My yes only encouraged him to keep listing extended family members. When I had to stop saying yes and move into the "I don't  know" category, he said he would talk to God about it. He ended the conversation by rolling over in bed, which was my cue to leave and be thankful he would be asking God the hard questions.

The baptism of our then 5-month old son prompted my 5-year old to ask these questions. Bracing myself for the all encompassing, "Why?" I started making a mental list of the reasons we baptized our children. He never got to that question, but here are the reasons:

1. It's tradition. The church where our baby boy was baptized was the same church my husband was baptized, where we were married, where my in-laws were married, where my husband and I received first communion and first reconciliation, where we were confirmed. Our sons wore the same baptismal singlet my husband wore.

2. It's a welcoming ceremony. It gives our children a sense of belonging, belonging to our family, belonging to the church, and belonging to our community. It gives them something mysterious and magical, kind of like Harry Potter. Not really, but it does make them believe in something bigger than themselves.

3. It's a starting point. They can believe whatever they choose, but we are the ones to give them their first lesson in beliefs.

4. It gives my babies more support. What could be better than having another set of "parents?" For that matter, who doesn't want to be a Godfather or Godmother? Add a raspy voice to Godfather, and it's a sweet movie impersonation or wings and a wand to the other for making all your dreams come true. Our siblings have all been wonderful Godparents, gangsters and fairies.

5. We celebrate. A baptism is always cause for a family party. We eat meat, potatoes, salads made with cream of mushroom soup or with mayonnaise, and big cakes. We usually entertain special guests like the priest that did the baptism or family members that flew across the country. Family members all dressed-up eating and drinking together is my favorite.

Leading up to the baptism, I was scrambling around making food better, making cakes bigger, and making my husband crazy. With this being our fourth child, it occurred to me that if this was our last baptism we better make it the best yet. With that in mind, I made three cakes, three different flavors, three different frosting flavors, and three different frosting decorations. We had prime rib, but thinking that wasn't enough we added pork loin. I put Baby's Breath on the tables as centerpieces. I asked my parents to bring their portable air conditioner to put into my in-laws garage, which is where the party was held. In my defense, I had gone a couple of weeks without air conditioning, and I wanted everywhere I went to be freezing. My parents did not indulge me.

I'd like to think that if I had made this list before we baptized our son, I wouldn't have been so focused on the extra things. Regardless of the food or the cake or the pictures, the outcome was the same. We baptized our baby boy.