Countdown to the End: Day 25

Today staff members were riled up a little. This morning the guidance counselor sent an email to the ISEA members, union members, about the current state of affairs with our contracts. He also mentioned our negotiations team members needed to be doing more. Our superintendent has said that paying employees for opting out of health insurance is illegal, and she said that next year those employees won’t be getting the $10,000 a year. The union lawyers stepped in and said it’s not illegal, and other districts are doing it. So the union lawyers and district lawyers are going back and forth. In the meantime, it has led to a lot of uncertainty and speculation in the district. The health insurance isn’t good, but the only way to opt out is to go with your spouse's plan. Well if you aren’t married you have to go with the school's insurance, and you use that $10,000 to pay for the insurance. All the members of the negotiating committee take the school’s insurance. One of them even said, “If I’m forced to buy why shouldn’t everyone else have to buy it too.” I find that disturbing. You may think that, but don’t say that to other union members. The guidance counselor has sent emails to the superintendent asking to be updated on the progress, and he copies the entire district on those emails. Many people are upset by those emails because he doesn’t use a lot of tact, and it doesn’t allow the negotiations committee to do it’s job. I do think that they haven’t communicated things well, and people are very easily riled by this. Talking about taking away one fifth of an already underpaid employee's salary is a riot waiting to happen. I think someone will get the pitch forks and torches soon. Also, unions really break the teacher rule of equal isn’t fair, so teacher’s unions are a little ironic.

Today at lunch we were discussing the emails,

Above: We grew pink pumpkins all summer
to be decorated and auctioned to benefit the
Pink Pumpkin Foundation.

Below: Students help in the Pioneer display
at the 2014 Farm Progress Show.

Both great things, but too big for me now.

the responses, and everyone's attitude. One of my colleagues and friends said that I was brought up in conversations about the insurance. I waited for an explanation because I try to stay out of the speculations since I won’t be here next year. She explained that while talking with the other union members they agreed that they are all replaceable. That if you don’t like your salary or your unhappy with your job go find another one that will pay you more. They all agreed that they would be easily replaceable, and so would most other teachers in the district, except me. My name was brought up because they can’t replace me. I was flattered, but I don’t think that’s correct. Anyone can be replaced. I started from nothing. I had no experience when I started teaching, but I tried really hard. Most times I failed in front of my students, colleagues, and community members. I told my friend at lunch that I can be replaced, and the greenhouse can be left empty or the field can be rented out. I choose to do those things because I thought it would make me see myself as more successful. Now I look at those things, and see why I’m leaving. I can’t water the greenhouse plants everyday anymore. I can’t do field work on the nights and weekends anymore. I can’t come in early in the morning to check on the eggs that have hatched overnight with baby chicks anymore. I did all of these things because I wanted to be a successful teacher, but it is those things that have made me leave. I hope the person that does replace me will start fresh, and do the things that makes them happy with the program that they build. I built this how I thought it should be, which is too big for me.

I know I made a good choice because I won’t have to pay union dues or worry about a negotiations committee for my salary or benefits.  

Countdown to the End: Day 26

Every Wednesday we get out early to meet with our professional learning community (PLC). We are quite the hodge podge group with PE, Health, Family Consumer Science, Industrial Tech, Business, and Agriculture. I look forward to these meetings because it’s time set aside for us to gossip, vent, and problem solve. Of course, our administrator gives us an agenda to discuss, and I take notes and minutes over the discussions for proof of productivity. Today our discussion started with someone asking me if I would take back my resignation now that our superintendent resigned. I said, “Ummmm, No.” This triggered the discussion about helping other kids as well as our own. They love teaching and coaching, and their point was that sacrificing time at home is worth it. I agree completely that if you love what you do you shouldn’t stop, especially if you are doing it for the kids. However, I was the only female/mom in this conversation. My other female colleagues were absent today. I have so much guilt when I’m away from my sons, and my husband has to be Mr. Mom yet again. He does such a great job at it too. I’m not sure that dads have the same guilt or feelings of remorse that moms do. Maybe they do, but I admire coaches and teachers that can have both. They can be there for their own kids and yet have such a great impact on other people’s kids. I can’t give 110% to each area of my life, and that is too frustrating for me.

Vermicomposting or worm farming,
2000 red wigglers is something I loved. 

Hydronponically grown lettuce,
something I loved doing. 

I feel that I’m not teaching the best that I could if I don’t love what I do. If teachers don’t love teaching anymore they aren’t teaching really well, but they won’t move on because they have too much time invested in a certain school. Schools won't pay for over 7 years of experience, so to moving schools after 7 years doesn’t happen often. Teachers don’t want to give up on their state retirement, so they keep teaching counting down the years until retirement. Unless a teacher does something morally and ethically wrong they aren’t going to be fired. Even if a school district chooses to forego someone’s teaching contract, they give that teacher a chance to resign. This is a nice courtesy; however, that teacher can move onto another school and make the same bad mistake again with another district. Teachers are very well protected, but they need to be with the public ready to burn them at the stake if they do anything out of character for a beloved teacher. I wouldn’t say anything bad about the school district to members of the community for that reason. The community and public crucify teachers and school districts enough without me contributing. The public won’t do anything to help the school’s problems or the teacher’s problems, but they have no problem sending their children to that school district to have us raise their children. This is why the PLC groups are needed, so we can vent and feel comfortable to express our problems to our colleagues without taking it outside the school to the community. Sometimes we don’t always come up with a solution, but it keeps us moving forward. Today I had a lot more respect for the members of my PLC and I envied them for their love of teaching and coaching. I just wish I had that same feeling. I’m making the right choice.

I know I'm making the right choice because I know that I won’t be a good teacher if I don’t love it. I used to love the adventure, but slowly over the last year that has sunk like the Titanic.

Countdown to the End: Day 27

A student is adding fertilizer to the field, .
All field products were donated.
Spring 2013. 

Iowa Assessment testing continued today. I was interviewed by my former administrator. We also started field work today. It was just a normal day. I feel like I usually have at least 12 problems to solve in a day, and today was really no different. After my former administrator interviewed me on camera, he asked if I could send the video to him. I said yes, but I didn’t know it would take a lot of formatting and switching between my PC and Mac. The only thing about this process that really bothered me was that a colleague, someone that I considered to be a friend, wasn’t helpful while other teachers that I’m not as close to tried really hard to get the job done. After going through multiple people, my colleague at the after school program figured out another way it would work. There are many ways to skin a fish, or in this case, upload a 40-minute video that can be viewed by multiple people. Youtube only allows 15 minute videos for free.

My last harvest ended with a late night
repair on the Gleaner. 

The field work today was a worry. With the weather so nice today it only made sense to start the field work. A student had a tractor and disk at the John Deere dealership in town, so he asked if he could finish disking today. I gave permission, but then I had to figure out how I was going to supervise and teach. First hour, I had some student volunteers to stay outside for safety checks while I organized my classes. Each class period I took students to the field and did hands on learning, which was fun. The students enjoyed it too. However, my student in the field was driving a John Deere 730, which doesn’t have a cab on it. With no cab it makes the safety risks higher. I know I was overreacting, but it was a genuine concern. I had to leave a sentry student outside to call 911 if something happened. I know this wouldn’t be the protocol at my student’s home or even at my student’s grandparent’s home, which is where he borrowed the tractor and disk from. The best part about today was seeing the John Deere 730 in the field. I grew up on a John Deere 630, so it reminded me of my dad. The sound of it conjured up the most memories. I wasn’t the only one that had memories from that tractor. A math teacher emailed me and said that seeing the tractor in the field reminded her of her dad. A couple of older gentlemen came up to the field because they heard the tractor in town, and spoke of their growing up on a farm. It’s unreal to think that when that tractor came off the line in the 1960’s over 40% of the population in America was in production agriculture-farming. Now 55 years later that same tractor is in production agriculture, but only 2% of the population in America is in production agriculture. I reminded my students today that I’m not teaching students how to farm. I’m teaching you to be an ag mechanic, an agronomist, a soil scientist, a businessperson, a conservationist, an environmentalist, a communications expert, and a community citizen. All things an agriculture teacher is expected to be an expert in.

We could row the corn in 2014. 

I know I made a good choice because I won’t have to be an “expert” in everything because my own children don’t expect it like my high school students do.  

Countdown to the End: Day 28

Agriculture Science: dissecting a pig's stomach

Iowa Assessments started today. It used to be called ITEDs, Iowa Test of Educational Development. Today was just the start. All week the schedule will be shortened and students will take them first thing in the morning. Administrators and teachers are under a lot of pressure for students to do well. Teachers in our district have had professional development for these tests, like what we can and can’t say while giving students instructions. We can only say what’s in the book, nothing more-nothing less. I agree that it develops continuity across the state. Each department has also looked through the testing booklets to make sure that every teacher is covering necessary concepts with their students. As an elective area I'm told to teach math, science, and reading daily in all my classes. Math and science are pretty easy to incorporate, but reading is a little more difficult. We have had countless professional developments devoted to finding ways to incorporate these subjects into our curriculum. We have also spent time looking at each individual students scores to analyze the data. Students have seen their scores, and they have been asked to set goals. We have had countless talks with students about how important these tests are. So what do these test scores mean for a school district? I have had countless talks with students today about what will happen. This is a synopsis of the conversations:

These tests evaluate you as a student, and decide what classes you should be taking. If you don’t meet a certain goal, you will be ineligible for PSEO classes in high school (post secondary classes).

This is also how our school is evaluated. If the state of Iowa sees that our school isn’t making progress or many of our student’s aren’t meeting the proficient mark there are funding consequences.

Most times after I say these things students react pretty negatively, like this school sucks. I don’t think it’s the school. I feel that the evaluation system is pretty flawed. I realize the bar needs to be set high for all schools, but in Iowa the schools that do well are schools that are predominately white with a low special education population with no economic issues. That is not America, and how boring would that be anyway? This subject has been widely debated. After trying to explain that this system doesn't evaluate schools and students accurately, one student said it best when he said I don’t test well, but I can weld like nobodies business. Having this kid in class I can attest to his welding skill; he was right.

Standardized tests: equal is not fair. My sweet special education student is expected to know algebra on a the standardized test, but he can only comprehend basic math. Other special education students are not in grade level classes, so how are they expected to know grade level material on the standardized tests. My extremely intelligent Mexican student that is learning English gets extra help in class, but not on a standardized test. My student that is wearing the same clothes as yesterday, hasn’t showered because he doesn’t live at home, and didn’t get breakfast this morning is expected to score as high as a student with all the privileges in the world.

The world will always need farmers. 

Everyone needs welders in the world. 

Everyone needs electricians in the world. 

I know I made a good choice because I will be able to teach my own children that equal is not fair. By the time that students are high school age the equal is not fair concept is lost on them.

Countdown to the End: Day 29

Our group pictures in official dress.
Above 2015. Below 2013

Before school today the FFA had it’s annual group picture. Students had to be in official dress, which is black slacks or black skirt, black shoes, white button down collared shirt, a tie or scarf, and the FFA jacket. After the picture was taken students scrambled to get changed and make it to their first hour class. After the picture I walked into my classroom, and saw a wall of students. The boys had commandeered the lab area, which is the back of my classroom, and had their friends be a wall for them to change behind. Five students lined up shoulder to shoulder trying to block the view from everyone else. I was speechless because my first hour had already filed into class and were sitting in their seats. So my officers and the leaders of the FFA chose the back of my classroom instead of my greenhouse, office, or shop, which are much closer than any bathroom, to change their clothes by using their peers as a makeshift wall. My shock lessened when I realized that my reaction wasn’t going to change the fact that they were already changing. It would just drag out the situation, and delay the start of my first hour class.

My former administrator, my assistant principal that had retired, asked to formally observe my class for a class that he’s taking. We had the pre observation, and he observed my class first hour today. This was the first formal observation I have had in three years, and this is from an administrator that has been retired for two years. At the end of the observation he showed me the results, and said that he would hire me. He counted the number of times I lectured, asked questions, demonstrated, had students demonstrate, etc. He praised my teaching, and I thought that it was nice of him. If I was being evaluated from my current administrator it probably wouldn’t be as kind. My current administrator hasn’t said anything to me about resigning, but today he did send me an email reminding me about it being against the rules to have students park on the grass by the greenhouse. I replied that I’m aware of the rule, and that I don’t patrol the parking lot or school grounds. I told him I'm in my classroom teaching instead of being in the parking lot. I teach seven different classes, I don't have time to see where my students park. He then rapidly replied that it was Agriculture students violating the rules, and I should lecture them to stop breaking the rules. That is the first response I have had from my principal since I resigned.

The high school grounds. Highlighted to the south is my greenhouse
classroom. Highlighted to the west is the student run 53 acre field. 

I know I made a good choice because I won't have to take on extra duties that are not my responsibilities. I'm more than happy to help, but I draw the line at monitoring the parking lot.

Countdown to the End: Day 30

Today was a little easier. I thought students would still blame me or have a negative attitude. Turns out I think it’s indifference now, which works for me. I don’t mind the student’s indifference as much as my administrations. My superintendent was chosen as the new supt of another school district tonight. I found out through an online article that has been circling through the teachers. My friends asked me to take my resignation back, but she wasn’t the reason I’m leaving. She made it much easier to make my decision, but I realized that it's not just for my sons. It's for my husband too. Tonight my husband said to me, I want you to be happy. I was upset for the millionth time today, and I rolled my eyes thinking that it wasn’t that easy. I asked him what he wanted me to do referring to picking up toys, doing dishes, or reading a bedtime story to our son. He picked up a movie he rented from the library, my favorite, and led me upstairs to the bedroom. He wanted me to lie down and just watch the movie. When he does such sweet things I regret being not a pleasant person to him, or bringing my school problems to him. I’ve used the excuse of being under a lot of stress to relieve my guilt. For eight years my husband has chaperoned trips and drove suburbans full of students to destinations hours away just to make me happy. I was always thinking that he just did it to help kids, which is why I was a teacher. I thought we both were just trying to be good people and help kids. I think my husband is a far better partner than I am.

My husband and I chaperoning students in Indianapolis. 

Below is a list of the wonderful things my husband has done for the sake of my teaching career:

Moved away from our hometown

Quit his full time job to move

Left his friends and our families to move

Chaperoned a trip two states away with 10 students for 6 years in a row

Instructed my students on the assemble and disassemble of a Farmall H tractor that took over 2 years to complete

The Farmall finally completed

Dug up Hosta plants in 100 degree heat to save them from dying on the school grounds

Weeded the school flower bed

Used vacation days to be at field day multiple years

Dropped off substitute plans when I was too sick to go to school

Cleaned out the garage to make room for the FFA homecoming float

Made my ideas a reality: homecoming floats, welding projects, etc

Found new daycare for our sons, and drops them off and picks them up everyday

Accepts that he will be a single dad when I’m working on nights and weekends

Came up with cool ideas for my students to do in class

Drove to Ames to get emergency printer ink after our sons were asleep

Bought ink for my printer even though he despised it

Loaded and unloaded truck loads of flowers

Ran the tape measure at multiple kiddy tractor pulls

Joked around with my students to be the favorite guy

Taught me small engines, so I could teach my students

Gave me welding tips, so I could win a competition between me and the Industrial Tech teacher

This was built with scrap parts from our garage, and welded by my students. It was auctioned to raise money for a scholarship at the county fair. My husband had a lot of input in it's build.  

I started my day with a parent stopping in my room to ask me if I was leaving because of her, meaning our superintendent. I said no, I was leaving for my family. I’m not just leaving for my sons, but my husband too. He has taught me so much in my eight years of teaching that it wouldn’t be right to have said anything bad about those eight years. It would disgrace the last eight years, and dishonor my husband’s efforts. It takes a village to raise a child; well it takes an Agriculture family to make a successful program.

I know I made a good choice because my family will come first before all else.

Countdown to the End: Day 31

Countdown to the End: Day 31

I called an officer meeting this morning before school. I brought donuts and went through the end of the year action items. At the end of the meeting I told them I resigned yesterday. Most of them were in shock, one of them already knew, and another asked if I was serious. One senior boy was unaffected. He shrugged his shoulders, and said he was glad he was graduating. After everyone filed out of my classroom, a senior girl, that has been the FFA president for the past two years, grabbed my arm and asked if she could hug me. She started crying and I said yes to her hugging me. As we hugged I asked why she was crying. She said because I love you. I smiled, and she hurried out the door. I knew that I touched the lives of many students and families, but I never realized how much. The best thing I did was build rapport with my students. I knew if my students felt that I cared about them, then they would care about my class.

My last National FFA Convention in Louisville, KY with such great kids. 

I went through the day telling students and colleagues that I resigned to stay home with my kids, the responses were varied. I documented the ones that I will always remember:

Comments made by my colleagues:

“Congratulations!! I’m jealous.”

“Congratulations!! I stayed home with my babies and it was the best time. I’m happy for you.”

“I tried staying home with my kids and it lasted 3 months. I couldn’t do it.”

“I was hoping you would change your mind.”

“When you leave I’m taking this, this, and this out of your room.” (As he’s pointing to my nice technology)

“I’m mad at you. You are leaving us.”

“What better job did you take.”

“Quitter.”

Comments from my students:

“I’m glad I’m a senior.”

“You couldn’t wait one more year for me to graduate.”

“You can’t stay home, you won’t have any money.”

“I’m not taking Ag next year.”

“I’m not running for an FFA office.”

“We are going to make the new teacher’s life hell.”

“Does this mean we can do what we want cuz you aren’t going to be here next year?”

After rereading the responses I’m flabbergasted. This is not how I planned it, and it’s definitely not what I envisioned. No administrators have said anything to me at all about anything. The school board hasn’t even accepted my resignation, and they are already advertising for it. I wanted better for my eight years of service.

I know I made a good choice because if I don't love being at school everyday anymore it's better for everyone that I move on. 

Countdown to the End: Day 32

It has been almost a year since I resigned from teaching. Things have changed dramatically, but in some ways they haven't. I'm still teaching, but my sons are the students. Play dough flowers are still being made, but my son's diagrams aren't as exact. The goal of this blog is to put education into perspective. I logged my last 32 days of teaching, and now I'm sharing those days to help teachers and parents better understand each other. I'm also sharing my new teaching style, which is aimed at every agriculture enthusiast.

The experience will now be shared outside the classroom, but especially with Nash, Graham, and Rosina. 

Countdown to the End

Day 32

I resigned today as Agriculture teacher and FFA Advisor. I resigned at 1pm, and the school promptly had my job posted in multiple places throughout the district by 3pm. That was shocking. I didn't think they would post it so quickly. I turned in my letter of resignation to the superintendent and the principal at the high school and middle school. I was expecting a conversation with one of the three before they advertised for my replacement. Only my close friends knew I resigned. Now everyone knows. I didn't even get a chance to tell my students. Nothing like a job posting for your replacement to make you feel like your years of teaching were well served. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out was probably said in one of their offices. At least that is in the back of my mind.

For the past eight years I have been so proud to tell people what I do. I went to college, and paid a small fortune to be an Ag teacher. I have put so much judgment on what people do that now that I’m going to stay at home with my sons, I’m uncertain. I have chosen such an nontraditional job for myself as a female in Agriculture that I can’t imagine going into such a traditional job as a stay at home mom.

Both are considered my family. 

Today is the big day to resign because it has special significance to my teaching career. Today is the day that I completed my student teaching in Australia, and genuinely wanted to to teacher. Nine years later I still know that I want to teach in some capacity in the future, whether it's to high school students or to my own children. Three years ago today I went back to teaching after three months of maternity leave and cried everyday for a week when I had to leave my son. Two years ago today I finished my long term substitute plans just in case I went into labor early with our second child. My worst fear was that my water would break in class, and I wouldn't have any plans ready for a substitute. One year ago today I made the decision to make this my last year of teaching. I had a conversation with my Agriculture teacher that changed my perspective. He asked me why I wanted to be an Ag teacher. I told him that I picked this for myself because when I was a sophomore in high school sitting in his Agriculture classroom he told me I should be an Ag teacher, and here I am. He told me that I'm one of the most employable people. I would agree that all Ag teachers are, we are our own breed. I started thinking that at what point does time with my students become more important than time with my own kids. So today, April 7^th, I resigned.

The best part of my day was witnessing a student's temper tantrum. My class went into the shop today, and a student had to wear shin guards to cover his legs before he could start welding. He had to wrap them a couple of times to secure them to his legs. The Velcro was old, so it didn’t hold. After he tried to get it to hold with little success he flung his leg up in the air and kicked it off. I laughed at the display of childish behavior, and shook my head. When he saw that I was laughing at him his cheeks got red, he smiled sheepishly, and picked up the shin guard he had kicked away. As I walked away I realized that I will miss these students. It's never been about the job it's always been about the students. They are the reason I lasted eight years. I've spent years getting to know these students. I know them well, but laughing at a student or even with a student is so out of character for me. I realized that I don’t laugh enough with the students or in this case at their behavior. I’m always the hard ass. I’ve never felt free to be myself because I’ve been a teacher. I always had to play a role: to censor myself, to be more mature, to be someone to respect, to be appropriate, to set a good example, and to motivate students. I’ve spent eight years creating the person I think would be a good teacher, and now I feel that I don’t know myself. Today that ended, and it felt great.

I cried on the drive home from school. It’s only a couple of blocks, so I didn’t allow myself more than a couple of tears. It feels like I’m grieving for the teacher me. Tomorrow I tell my students.

I know I made a good choice because I will never miss my son's birthday because of a State FFA Convention again. I won't spend his birthday with 20 high school students instead of with him.