Countdown to the End: Day 32

It has been almost a year since I resigned from teaching. Things have changed dramatically, but in some ways they haven't. I'm still teaching, but my sons are the students. Play dough flowers are still being made, but my son's diagrams aren't as exact. The goal of this blog is to put education into perspective. I logged my last 32 days of teaching, and now I'm sharing those days to help teachers and parents better understand each other. I'm also sharing my new teaching style, which is aimed at every agriculture enthusiast.

The experience will now be shared outside the classroom, but especially with Nash, Graham, and Rosina. 

Countdown to the End

Day 32

I resigned today as Agriculture teacher and FFA Advisor. I resigned at 1pm, and the school promptly had my job posted in multiple places throughout the district by 3pm. That was shocking. I didn't think they would post it so quickly. I turned in my letter of resignation to the superintendent and the principal at the high school and middle school. I was expecting a conversation with one of the three before they advertised for my replacement. Only my close friends knew I resigned. Now everyone knows. I didn't even get a chance to tell my students. Nothing like a job posting for your replacement to make you feel like your years of teaching were well served. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out was probably said in one of their offices. At least that is in the back of my mind.

For the past eight years I have been so proud to tell people what I do. I went to college, and paid a small fortune to be an Ag teacher. I have put so much judgment on what people do that now that I’m going to stay at home with my sons, I’m uncertain. I have chosen such an nontraditional job for myself as a female in Agriculture that I can’t imagine going into such a traditional job as a stay at home mom.

Both are considered my family. 

Today is the big day to resign because it has special significance to my teaching career. Today is the day that I completed my student teaching in Australia, and genuinely wanted to to teacher. Nine years later I still know that I want to teach in some capacity in the future, whether it's to high school students or to my own children. Three years ago today I went back to teaching after three months of maternity leave and cried everyday for a week when I had to leave my son. Two years ago today I finished my long term substitute plans just in case I went into labor early with our second child. My worst fear was that my water would break in class, and I wouldn't have any plans ready for a substitute. One year ago today I made the decision to make this my last year of teaching. I had a conversation with my Agriculture teacher that changed my perspective. He asked me why I wanted to be an Ag teacher. I told him that I picked this for myself because when I was a sophomore in high school sitting in his Agriculture classroom he told me I should be an Ag teacher, and here I am. He told me that I'm one of the most employable people. I would agree that all Ag teachers are, we are our own breed. I started thinking that at what point does time with my students become more important than time with my own kids. So today, April 7^th, I resigned.

The best part of my day was witnessing a student's temper tantrum. My class went into the shop today, and a student had to wear shin guards to cover his legs before he could start welding. He had to wrap them a couple of times to secure them to his legs. The Velcro was old, so it didn’t hold. After he tried to get it to hold with little success he flung his leg up in the air and kicked it off. I laughed at the display of childish behavior, and shook my head. When he saw that I was laughing at him his cheeks got red, he smiled sheepishly, and picked up the shin guard he had kicked away. As I walked away I realized that I will miss these students. It's never been about the job it's always been about the students. They are the reason I lasted eight years. I've spent years getting to know these students. I know them well, but laughing at a student or even with a student is so out of character for me. I realized that I don’t laugh enough with the students or in this case at their behavior. I’m always the hard ass. I’ve never felt free to be myself because I’ve been a teacher. I always had to play a role: to censor myself, to be more mature, to be someone to respect, to be appropriate, to set a good example, and to motivate students. I’ve spent eight years creating the person I think would be a good teacher, and now I feel that I don’t know myself. Today that ended, and it felt great.

I cried on the drive home from school. It’s only a couple of blocks, so I didn’t allow myself more than a couple of tears. It feels like I’m grieving for the teacher me. Tomorrow I tell my students.

I know I made a good choice because I will never miss my son's birthday because of a State FFA Convention again. I won't spend his birthday with 20 high school students instead of with him.