Feed Them, Feed Us

"What is that sound?” I asked my husband at 3am when I was feeding our son. He grumbled that is was thunder. It had been so long since I had heard it, I didn't even recognize it. The thunder was followed by downpour rain. I elbowed my husband, and we both checked the weather on our phones. It was above freezing, but two hours north it was below freezing.


We had our Saturday all planned out. We were getting up early, putting the sleepy kids in the truck, getting breakfast on the way, and driving two hours north to the locker where our 10 pigs were done being processed. My husband had mapped out the journey to deliver all the pork to our 14 customers across 5 counties. Mother Nature sent rain, sleet, and snow.

I was driving while the kids were sleepily eating gas station donuts washed down with juice. I constantly caught myself checking the temperature in the rear view mirror, above freezing. I was speeding down the highway when I heard my 6-year old yell that his little sister was getting sick. My husband used her blankie to mop up the mess as I continued to drive.

We had to make an unexpected stop at my parent's house to clean up my girl. My husband went ahead to the locker and loaded up the meat as I got the kids cleaned and settled. We watched cartoons while the weather continued to get worse. We watched sleet pelt the windows, and heard the thunder snow. When my husband picked us up it was snowing heavily.

My husband maneuvered the truck through the snow, sleet, and eventually rain as we made our way south. I navigated and contacted our customers to give them ETAs. It was awesome to put half a hog in our customer's freezer at our first stop. Then the second and third deliveries, twenty minutes away. It was so worth it to see customer's faces as they looked through their boxes of meat, and even better to see my 4-year old shake their hands.

It was a family affair that lasted 12 hours and over 500 miles across Iowa. This is the ultimate farm to fork with transparency on all levels. These are the pigs that my sons named, and the pigs that my sons helped put into freezers. Yes, they made the connection that these were the same pigs, and it doesn't get any more personal than that. Food should be personal without any disconnection.

The day was made complete when I heard my 6-year old son say, “We feed them, and they feed us.”  

Teacher vibes

“Are you guys teachers?” The car salesmen asked my husband and I. When we both gave each other puzzled looks he followed it with, “You just give off that vibe.”

 

I thought it was such a weird thing to ask, but my husband thought it was great. He explained that the car salesmen was highly qualified because he had been in the business long enough to see all types of people and read them very well. It was pretty impressive that he had us figured out shortly after introductions.

 

So what are teacher vibes? I'm a former teacher, and my husband has a background in education for a corporation, but how does that translate into teacher vibes? With four kids, maybe the salesmen is confusing teacher vibes with parent vibes. The spit up smell, tired eyes, and unease in a quiet environment could have been the parent vibe we were giving off, which really isn't that far off the teacher vibe. The only difference would be giving off a paste, musty, earth smell instead of spit up, otherwise, I stand by tired eyes and unease in a quiet environment.

 

I hope all parents give off teacher vibes. After all, they are their child's first and most influential teacher. A parent teaches their child how to eat, how to dress, and how to speak. In our case, if the parent swears, the child swears; if the parent dresses in booty shorts, the child dresses in booty shorts (I have to talk to my husband about those booty shorts); if the parent wipes their mouth with their sleeve, the child uses their sleeve as a napkin too.

 

So here are the 10 things that we were doing to give off that Teacher/Parent vibe:

 

1. We weren't wearing sweatpants. It was a Saturday, and we were both wearing jeans. I usually don't get out of stretchy pants, but if I have to go somewhere I break out pants without an elastic waist.

 

2. We drove up in a mini van, and we were looking at an affordable, practical truck with a topper. The guy (With his Dad) in the office next to us was rollin out with a brand new Hummer. He was not a teacher.

 

3. We smiled and were polite to him. I'm sure he was surprised we weren't a-holes that told him to take his price for a truck with a cracked windshield and shove it.

 

4. We walked at a normal pace. Walking extra slow, says that you have all the time in the world or that you need a wheelchair. Walking extra fast, says that your a busy body or that you aspire to be a track star.

 

5. We did not ask stupid questions. Many teachers say there aren't stupid questions, but there really are. Come to think of it, we didn't ask any questions because we have smart phones that tell us all the answers in the world.

 

6. We didn't use slang. We know that saying, “How are ya, brah?” is the ultimate lazy wording. Your too lazy to say brother, so you shorten it to bro, then shorten it to brah because saying it is shorter than bro, but writing it is longer. It's a slang for a slang, dumb.

 

7. We know word definitions. We know that saying, “I literally died when I saw that truck.” isn't accurate, even if the Kardashians say it is.

 

But now I have to give off the mom vibe because the baby just woke up from his nap, and I just heard my 4-year jump down from the top of the bunk beds. It sounded like the ceiling was going to collapse all around me, which brings me to my 8, 9, and 10. Kids, kids, and kids. He couldn't miss our 4 kids with us that probably made him assume we like children. All the aforementioned qualities matter, but not as much as those kiddos.

And Baby Makes Six

“Maybe you guys could have another baby, so we could get another movie.” My six-year-old son announced at supper. He was given arrival gifts from his new baby brother, which included a movie. Maybe it would be easier to just have another baby, at least in the eyes of a six-year-old.

 

With the birth of our fourth child, our son, there are two questions that people constantly ask. I've come to expect them because they are the same questions I was asked when I had our other children. “How are the big brothers and sister taking to him?” and “How are you feeling?” My automatic reply is “They are good.” and “I'm fine.” These are the polite conversation reply’s because no one wants to hear about the gruesome details. However, I thought I would document them here for posterity. Also, I know you all reading this are interested.

 

Seven weeks ago, my husband dropped me off at the hospital to get checked into registration. He went back home to take our 6-year old and 4-year old to school, while my mom stayed with our 2-year old. She arrived at our house early that morning to manage the circus while we were away. Many of the nurses I passed in the hall gave me a pitying look, which I imagined was because I was alone. I felt compelled to tell them why, which we had decided was much easier than my mom taking them all to school. I was led to the delivery room that I was so familiar with and to the awaiting nurse. I smiled and felt so relieved that I gave Loretta a hug. She is the nurse that was there for my first two labors and deliveries. I requested her, but the midwife was unsure when she was going to be working. Loretta started the IV and went through all the necessary paperwork. The midwife checked me and tried to break my water. She gave me the sorry smile because she couldn't do it. The baby's head was blocking my tipped cervix. My husband arrived as I was getting the Pitocin. Loretta spent the morning getting the equipment ready because she said, “I don't trust you. Once that baby moves its head, it is coming out.”

 

By noon, I was unplugged from the many hoses and tubes and was walking the halls. When we got back to the room, my husband had a velvet bag laying on the bed. I opened it to find a pair of pearl earrings. He smiled and helped me put them on. I had some chocolate ice cream and water for lunch, while my husband had Sub City. The midwife came back to check me with little results, but enough to break my water. It was a trickle because the baby's head was still blocking everything. I went a couple of hours on the birthing ball and pacing the room. By 5pm, I was really concerned that I wouldn't deliver by 7, which was the shift change for the nurses. I also hurt like hell with no epidural. I was holding out because I thought the baby would have moved his head by then. I ordered the epidural, which upon completion was followed by my midwife declaring that I was ready. Before I started pushing my husband gave me another velvet bag with a pearl necklace. He helped me put it on and said that now I was ready to deliver our baby. With each push the midwife had to move the baby, who was facing the wrong way and had his arms chicken winged out. I pushed three times with a lot of finagling from the midwife, we welcomed our son. After a while I noticed the room was completely silent. The nurses had wheeled out all the carts and took the chaos with them. My husband took that time to give me the third navy velvet bag, which held a pearl bracelet. He was helping me put it on when I saw a nurse out of the corner of my eye walk in and turn around. She later said she didn't want to interrupt such a wonderful moment.

 

That night, my parents brought our three older children to meet their new baby brother. They each held him and were given their presents. Once the presents were given they lost interest in the new baby. They did ask when we were coming home, and we had to explain that they were so lucky to have Elmo and Papa (my parents) there to take care of them. Each day they visited the hospital, and loved it so much that our 4-year old didn't want to leave.

 

The love that the older siblings have shown the newest member of the family always amazes me. My oldest son likes to give him his blanket, his paci, and tell me when he needs to be fed. He is forever the helper. My second born son likes to hold him, sing to him, and pray to him. He imitates what I have done for him since he was a baby. My daughter loves all the baby things. She loves to hold him with her other babies. She tells me to “get him” if I'm not holding him, which she thinks he belongs in my arms forever. If he cries, she shshsss next to his ear. She is my mother hen. They all take such good care of him.

 

Having our fourth child cemented my belief that we are giving our children the greatest gift in each other. They will adventure together, imagine together, learn together, make trouble together, and fight together. Through it all they will forever love each other.

 

Dear Rosina

My sweet baby girl, Rosina,

 

Tomorrow we will give you a younger sibling, and you will have to give up your title as the baby. As we prepare for tomorrow's arrival, I can't help but think about all the wonderful moments that you blessed us with. You won't ever remember these little moments, but I will forever hold them dear. With everything about to change, I take solace in knowing that these moments will never change. My rose colored glasses will forever stay in place when I think about all the naps we shared, all the hours I spent holding you, and all the books we read.

 

I didn't think our third baby could change our entire world, but like your older brothers, you did. The moment that you entered the world, you enchanted us. We spent most of the first day of your life in tears by just the sight of you. Your delicate features and your trusting gaze were enough to disarm us. We had been blessed with a healthy, happy, baby girl.

 

When you were born, I set a goal for us. I whispered to you in the wee hours of the morning in my hospital bed that I would feed you for the first year of your life. You looked at me with those big blue eyes and that sealed our agreement. I nursed you at the zoo, at the park, at the pool, and at your first birthday party. With that goal met, you made me feel like an accomplished mother.

 

Your older brothers and I spent most of our days just watching you. We were in awe of your little hands and feet, which were constantly being mauled. Your bows, frills, and pink things were a little frightening for us all, but your brothers insisted that you wear them.

 

While your brothers were engaged with dinosaur fights, I adorned you in crystals, faux pearls, and glass beads. I was charmed by the jewelry of my grandmother when I was a child. I never new the woman that wore it, but watching you happily wear the pieces of costume jewelry makes me feel the connection like nothing else has. I dream of the woman you will become-elegant and wise, graceful and bold, determined and stubborn.

 

When I realized that I was carrying your little heart in my body, I made the decision to stop my career. I have never regretted that choice. Everyday when I look at you and your brothers, I know it was right for us. You have never known daycare, which means I was always the lucky one to get your snuggles, your kisses, your smiles, your laughs, and your “I love yous.” I didn't have to jealously hear about any of your firsts because I was there to experience them. I was there cheering for you every wobbly step at a time. You will never know how much you have given me with your presence. I am the lucky one that gets to be with you.

 

I catch myself staring at you, wondering whose carefree spirit has imprinted on your heart. Your ballerina twirling and horsey hopping has such a sweet contagious feel that I can't help but join in. Your smile is like a corner of sunshine after the long snow that requires everyone to smile back. You make everyone around you happy. Your a wild child that I would be ashamed to tame.

 

When you call yourself “Big girl, Sina,” it startles me to see how grown up you are. I still watch you curl up in your big girl bed and fall asleep with those same baby sighs that I remember. I still smell your head and will your hair to grow just like I did when you were an infant swaddled in my arms. You may get bigger, but I will always try to solve every problem with a hug, a kiss, and a cookie.

 

I will never get tired of watching you play. I will never get tired of brushing the hair from your face. I will never get tired of painting your little toes. I will never get tired of smelling your head. I will never get tired of returning your smile. I will never get tired of watching you wrestle with your brothers. I will never get tired of kissing your owies away. I will cherish these moments until you feel you are too big for me to do them. I will keep trying them no matter how old you are. I hope you will never drift away from me as you grow up.

 

Your family will always be there for you, to love and support you, my sweet baby girl, Rosina.

 

 

Dear Graham

My beloved son, Graham,

You lift my shirt and respond to my puzzled look with, “I want to talk to the new baby.” I can't ever argue with that reasoning; however, I do pull my shirt down and say that you have to talk through the shirt when you do it in the grocery store. You whisper sweetly to my extended belly so I can never hear your words, but you always end the conversations with a kiss. The new baby is so lucky to have a big brother like you.

With the new baby's arrival days away and so many changes inevitable, I remember all your wonderful moments that I hold just for you. All the things that you don't remember, but I will never forget. All of the beautiful words that came out of your mouth when I once prayed for you to talk. All of the times we spent alone together in the middle of the night. All of the places you went without any fuss. All of the brotherly love you shared with your older brother. All the things that will never change.

You don't know how we worried about you even before you were born. We were so scared when we were told you had a cyst on your spleen when I carried you in my belly. I was so scared during your delivery because it was taking so long because you turned out to be a big strapping boy at 9 pounds 9 ounces. I was even more scared about who would be responsible for you when I went back to work. The daycare we used for your older brother was closing about the same time that we had you. I had such nightmares about trusting people to watch you. I didn't even trust myself when it came to watching both you and your brother alone. I didn't know how to work the zone when I was trained for one on one.

You don't know how I took you everywhere with me. The day we were released from the hospital we went to the school to help my substitute teacher get a handle on plant sales. We went their almost once a week to see that the plants in the greenhouse weren't being murdered. When the weather got warm, we spent a lot of time in the school field making sure that the corn and soybeans were planted. Many community members referred to you as an honorary FFA member. I'm so grateful that you cooperated. You charmed strangers, which you are still able to do.

You don't know how I walked through Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello, carrying you. You slept the whole time. You were swaddled in my arms while we road a hay rack in the rain to tour an east coast alternative farm. I made my "best woman" speech at your uncle's wedding with you sleeping in your car seat beside the table. You made me feel like such an accomplished parent when I could feed you wherever we went, which meant we became familiar with most family restrooms from here to Pennsylvania. 

You don't know how often I reminisce of the 2am feedings. At the time I didn't understand why you were still waking up at night when your brother was sleeping through the night at six weeks. That magic time when it was just us is so special to me. Maybe that's why you were waking up, so it would be just the two of us.

You don't know how I could look into your chubby baby face, and see those mischievous eyes reveal your next plot. I always found myself giggling with you when I couldn't resist kissing those cheeks.

You don't know how amazed I am that we created you. We created something so wonderfully magical and great. Everyday you render me speechless with your new ideas, stories, and accomplishments. You make me laugh with your exclamations like, “Hold onto your biscuits!” Whenever I turn a corner in our mini van.

You don't know that I watched you sleep, smelt your head, rubbed your chubby cheeks rosy, and kissed your little hands. I still smell your blankie that is your constant companion. The baby blanket that is ripped, stained, and smells like a baby that's been playing with a dirty dog. It reminds me that you are still my little boy. I loath to take it away.

You don't know how I catch glimpses of myself in you, which frightens and delights me. You may be a man child that has your daddy's size, but you have my stubborn streak. I love identifying your qualities because everyday you show me more. You are so sensitive and perceptive to others feelings. You make me want to cry when you tell me that I have made your day. I just had to feed you a homemade chocolate chip cookie and play Crazy 8s.

You don't know that I see all your love for your siblings. I love watching you grow up, and seeing that love evolve. You are your brothers best friend, and your sisters rock. I feel so lucky to have you as my child. I see that you bear the burden of being the middle child, but you hold that distinction proudly.

I know that your family will always be there for you, my beloved son, Graham.

Dear Nash

My darling son, Nash,

As I sit on the couch with you beside me snuggled into my arm, your little hand resting on my extended belly, I can't help but imagine the kind of big brother you will be. Your little hand presses harder as the new baby kicks it. The bond between oldest brother and new baby has been cemented.

With all the new changes that will arrive with the new baby, I wanted to tell you all the things that I will forever remember and hold dear. All the things that will not change because there will forever be a rose colored cloud around them.

One morning I heard stomping outside the front door, and I stopped picking up to listen. You were shaking yourself off before coming into the house. All the snow caked onto your boots, snow pants, coat, scarf, hat, and gloves was left outside. You came inside sweaty with a sniffling nose. My first thought was that nap time was going to be great for everyone. But when you unwrapped your scarf your radiant smile caught me. You couldn't wait to tell me that you shoveled the driveway by yourself. I was speechless, even more so when I looked outside. You had taken your little plastic shovel and had cleared the 2 inches of snow off the driveway. Your love to help, to do things that need to be done without being asked was driven home for me that day. My need to keep you little started warring with my need to have you be a big boy with chores.

The 12 weeks I took off from teaching to stay home with you after your birth was the best decision I could have made. We spent day after day just the two of us. I held you memorizing the lines of your nose and your little stubborn chin. We snuggled as I read western novels to you. Sometimes when I would look up from the book your dad would be there listening in. It was a peaceful, magical time that still held much uncertainty for me.

We read books about feeding, diapering, swaddling, baby's health, and even one about the proper way to shh. But you were our greatest test. We accomplished the cloth diapers. The first time I had my hands in the toilet I realized I could master the world for you. My grossometer doesn't exist anymore, whats a little poop or puke.

You were such a patient baby. We didn't know what we were doing, but you didn't get angry. I didn't know how to feed you, but you rarely fussed about it. You just had this undeniable trust in me, and it changed my whole world. Your sweetness enchanted us, and made us want to have more children.

You were chauffeured around in school vehicles meeting many different students, parents, families, and their livestock, which I'm forever thankful for your cooperation. You were held by my high school students; you were put face to face with pigs and cows; you rode a horse, and even played on the floor of the high school greenhouse, all for the sake of my career.

The nine months of constant sickness was little time at all in comparison to a life time of togetherness. It thrills me to see you be the leader of our small clan, your siblings. When you came out of the kitchen carrying a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the afternoon snack, I was so proud. I was about ready to burst when you badgered your brother and sister into eating them with your reasons being that you did it all by yourself. You were meant to be our first born son.

I'm so lucky to be able to watch you grow up. Your every smile, every frown, every hug, every kiss, every story, every skip, I cherish.

I still watch you sleep and brush the hair from your forehead. I still pray to God everyday that He will protect you, especially your soft heart.

My greatest fear is that I'm not qualified for the job of being your mom. I'm afraid that I won't know if I've succeeded or failed until you are an adult.

Your family will always love and support you, my darling son, Nash.

Christmas Card

I bought stamps for our Christmas cards at the local gas station, and the cashier, a former student, asked me why I didn't send Facebook cards. I told her that an electronic card wasn't any fun. Going to the mailbox and seeing cards from friends and family is the best. My sons get excited to open the cards. The boys even got a card from Santa.

Last year we started writing a poem instead of a letter. This is our Christmas poem this year:

Merry Christmas family and friends.
As twenty seventeen quickly ends.
We wrote a corny poem for good measure.
With a picture of us for your viewing pleasure.

Rosina talks to her baby.
With her no I say maybe.
She turns 2 on the twenty-first.
She fights her brothers-it's the worst.

Graham likes to introduce himself.
He climbs to reach the sweets on the top shelf.
He is a man child for four.
He likes to give her siblings what for.

December marks Nash's 6th birthday.
He's excited to play soccer come May.
His play tactics are daredevil.
He leads his siblings to another level.

Terri is pregnant with baby #4.
With no dishwasher, it's quite a chore.
The move to the farm allows for hogs.
Chickens too, but those were eaten by dogs.

Jeff has become a gentlemen farmer.
He had to wrestle the pigs-quite the charmer.
He started a new job with the same company.
He runs a quad laser abundantly.

To good business,
And no sickness,
With good wishes,
Merry Christmas.