Countdown to the End: Day 6

I must have really looked bad today because multiple people asked me if I was okay, including the students. I didn’t feel very good at all. I didn’t throw up all day, so I think that means I’m making progress. I started telling more people that I was pregnant just to explain my absence. It was more to explain why I looked like shit everyday. I didn’t tell my students. I really tried to distance myself from them, so it wouldn’t be as sad to leave. That really worked because I wasn’t here the last two days. Today was the last day for the seniors, so in most classes I was giving the seniors their finals. I spent most of the day finishing up the senior’s grades. They are due tomorrow at 8am. I had a couple of seniors that didn’t show up today, and they won’t pass unless they take the final. I had to contact the guidance office to make sure that those seniors come in tomorrow. I'm worried that a couple of seniors won't graduate unless they pass my class. These students are using Horticulture for one of their science credits since I'm also endorsed in science.

My husband and a former student volunteered to
lend a hand. I'm proud of all my students, current
and former. 

At the end of the school day I got an email from the activities director secretary asking me to stop in and see her when I get a chance. I went to see her and she said that on the school credit card a purchase was made with no receipt given, and it was the day that I signed for the card. I usually don’t ever run my own errands. I have my interns, which are responsible students, do them. I sign off for the credit card and have them take the card and make the purchase needed. They have to bring back a receipt. When the card statement came for the month, there was an extra purchase that they didn’t have a receipt for. The purchase made was at a local convenience store that I didn't get anything from. When she told me I immediately knew who the students were that had made the unauthorized purchase, and I was livid. I had two senior boys go get some things at the local hardware store, but after that they went to get breakfast at the local convenience store and used the school credit card. I told the secretary I would take care of it before anyone else was involved. Seniors have to come in tomorrow to practice for graduation on Sunday. I told the secretaries to call the boys to my room tomorrow morning, and I would take care of this. I’m still so ticked at them. I trusted them, and they steal from the school. If the secretary had waited even a day to tell me the seniors would have been checked out already and gone for good. I’m still undecided about what I want to say to them. I’m just so disappointed in them. I have had these two since they were freshman, and I know their families pretty well. I taught their older siblings, and knew them before they were even in high school. I thought about calling their parents, but I want them to do the right thing on their own before I involve anyone else.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to be disappointed when students do such stupid things.

Countdown to the End: Day 7

I woke up this morning to more sickness, and I felt really weak. Since I hadn’t called in yet this year I didn’t know the process for doing it. Last year we could call or text the assistant principal and they would take care of finding the substitute. This year we go through an online system. I put my sick day in the online system, and then I texted the assistant principal and principal. After I got no response I texted the principal at the middle school, and he responded right away with a thanks, hope you feel better. I wrote down my substitute plans, gave them to my husband with my school keys, so he could put them on my classroom desk. I was really worried that I didn’t do something right, until I looked online and saw that someone had filled my substitute posting. Throughout the day I tried to eat more and more food, and regain my strength. I still don’t feel terrific, but tomorrow is the last day for seniors. I have to be at school.

I know I made the right decision because it won’t be easier to stay at school than to plan for a substitute anymore.

Countdown to the End: Day 8

Substitute plans usually include projects that the students
can easily do while the substitute can supervise. Students
are planting the flower bed in front of the school before
graduation.

I took this day off two weeks ago for a baby doctor’s appointment. The appointment time ended up being at 3pm after rescheduling multiple times. I felt really guilty about not teaching the first part of the day, but after throwing up most of the morning my guilt definitely went away. By mid morning I still couldn’t keep anything down and I was back to seeing stars. I called the doctor’s office and gave the details of my symptoms. They restricted my diet, and upped my nausea medication. By afternoon, I could at least keep down some Gatorade. I made it through the doctor’s appointment, and my husband was great in getting me what I needed. I was so thankful that I took the entire day off of work, but I couldn’t help thinking that this is the last couple days for my seniors and I’m missing it.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t feel guilty about sick days.

Countdown to the End: Day 9

Today I had a scare during my 8^th grade exploratory class at the middle school. I started seeing stars, and my hands went numb. I had my water bottle, so I started drinking more water. I sat down at the desk while the students were working on a project. I made it through the class, and then I went to the school nurse. She checked my blood pressure and she said it was fine. She said it might be dehydration. I drank some more water, and I felt a little better. I drove back to the high school. I got myself some orange juice from the vending machine, and I felt better. I went to the after school program, and I had some snacks there. However, I still had a headache.

At the after school program I ran into my principal, and he told me that my replacement hire backed out. She declined the offer for a better one. She signed a letter of intent, but noting that is binding. My principal asked me how I felt about the second applicant. I said that I didn’t think much of her. I felt really dejected because we have to start all over. This is the second applicant to reject the offer. It’s so frustrating that we are at the bottom of the barrel for candidates.

Even with the school district's faults it's always been the
students that have made it great. 

Some community members asked me if the applicants were turned offed because of the school district's reputation. I had heard this before, but I never really thought that it was true. Our district doesn’t have that bad of a reputation, but when it’s compared to other white, affluent school districts in Iowa I guess it would have a reputation. Someone outside looking in would notice that this school district has a high Hispanic population and Native American population. A high percentage of the district has free and reduced lunches. Our test scores are low throughout the district. If you had to pick a school to teach in and eventually send your children to, this district can’t compete with the rest of Iowa. Even if this district could meet the salary scale that other schools are at, a teacher that raises a family in the district would have to have other draws to the community. For example, the spouse would have to find a job here, and the teacher would have to be confident in sending their children to the school district. I made the move here with my husband, and he landed a job in a neighboring town. I’m hesitant to send my children to this school district, just because if I had to compare this district to other schools in Iowa it wouldn’t stand a chance. Statically on paper, this district doesn’t measure up. I know this because I have compared this district to others in the great debate of where to send my own children. However, despite all of it's faults I picked this school district to teach in because you won't find a school district like it. Other Ag teachers that I knew in the area told me that if I could teach at this school and make it a success then I could teach anywhere. That was also part of the draw to this school. It was a challenge.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to be embarrassed of how my students act in front of a substitute ever again.

Countdown to the End: Day 10

It’s the last Friday for my seniors. I thought of that when I was teaching my animal science class for college credit. I looked around during class, and thought that these are the future productive citizens that are products of my program. One of them walked in and said he probably lost 5 pounds because he just came from the bathroom. I guess I should be glad he didn’t go into detail. Another senior came in late, spent the next 5 minutes rolling up his shirt sleeves, and then asked the rest of the class if they were even. Another senior asked if he could work on a welding project in the shop during my class. It was a welding project that I assigned him as an intern in my room. I said no because we were taking a test today. He looked surprised like he didn’t know we were taking a test today. My other senior spent the first five minutes of class washing his hands at the back sink in my room. For all their faults I really do think they are good kids. They make me smile, and they frustrate me beyond belief. I think they will make productive citizens, and I know they will contribute to this community.

My seniors that attended National FFA Convention.

I feel pretty numb about leaving. As my student volunteer started taking down my bulletin boards and packing up my college books in boxes today, I didn’t feel sad. It was a feeling of indifference. It reminds of when I first started teaching. The way I trained myself to be towards situations, so crying or blowing a gasket at a student wouldn’t happen. I started going home for lunch, so I wouldn’t be in the teacher’s lounge. I started doing that because of all the smells at lunchtime mixing with my morning sickness. I ate lunch in the teacher’s lounge today, but I realized that it’s not just the sickness, it’s the distancing myself from everyone. The less I’m there the less I will miss it.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to carry a key ring with over 20 different keys on it, a key fob, and 1 light switch prong.  

Countdown to the End: Day 11

My replacement was hired today. She is graduating from Iowa State on Saturday. When I’m asked about her I don’t have a lot to say good or bad because now she is hired and I’m officially done. My students are the most curious; what does she look like? Is she young? Where did she go to school? Will she be here the last day of school to meet us and teach us? To all of these answers I say what does it matter. Students hate when I say that, but I don’t want them to have an opinion of her before they even meet her. She will be good. I was fresh out of Iowa State when I started, and everyone has to start somewhere. I just keep thinking that I started teaching when I was 21. I was so young, and I’m not even 30 and I’m making a career change. I’ve talked to other teachers about counting down to retirement, and some of them haven’t made a school change or career change ever. They graduated college, started teaching, and 30 years later they are counting down to retirement. Many say it’s the state retirement benefits that are keeping them going. That is one thing that I am sad to see go, IPERS.

Hanging baskets made by the students,
and the pictures used for their flyers

I sent out an email to everyone in the district announcing the greenhouse hours and an advertisement flyer that the students made. The greenhouse is open until 4pm daily. I ended up staying here until 5pm. I was glad to see the plants go. The more that are gone the less we have to take care, and the closer we are to making the break even goal. We picked some of the tomatoes from the hydroponic system. My Horticulture class was able to eat them today. That was a nice treat.

I decided to keep a countdown log to remember what it was like to end a career, but now I find it to be depressing. I’m not sure if it’s the countdown or the negative effect of leaving. Lately when I leave school I try to just forget what happened, so I don’t stress out about the days activities. Keeping the log makes me think more critically of the days events. The closer we get to the end the more I’m saddened to be leaving. I really don’t want to be so negative. It seems like the last couple of days my outlook on school has been very negative. I usually try to be positive.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to follow a teacher dress code, or try to follow a teacher dress code.

Countdown to the End: Day 12

A student in my first hour today said this is the land of the free, so I can do what I want. I normally would have replied to that student with just a simple no, but instead I just started laughing. I couldn’t help but laugh because he continued to argue his point even after another student commented that you can’t do whatever you want because you will go to jail. I just kept thinking that the cocky attitude that they can do what they want is so typical of high schoolers. It’s better to learn in high school that you can not do what you want instead of fighting the system throughout their lives once they graduate high school. 

I know that when I see people that I graduated high school with, and we reminisce, they still talk about a certain teacher that was a stickler for the rules. I’ve thought about this a lot lately because I wonder if I’m going to be the teacher that my former students will talk about. My good students will think of how hard I pushed them, and my not so good students will remember what a stickler I am. I always tell my students that I don’t make the rules I just enforce them. Once students are reaching the upperclassmen level I feel that they should know the reasoning behind the rules, so I explain the reasoning if I think it will be valid to them. Most times after I explain it I’ve wasted my breath because they are arguing for their cause. As adults I hope that these students realize that rules are in place for reasons. It would make their lives so much easier if they followed the rules. I don’t ever regret being a stickler of a teacher. I do regret that students will remember me like that. 

My first year of teaching was to focus on surviving, and the only way I could survive was to be a hard ass. Students expected girl Ag teachers to be soft and emotional. My goal was never to cry in front of any students, and to be a hard ass. In those days I turned kids in for chewing tobacco in the shop, mooning me, and for flipping me the bird in class. The student with the chew was turned over to the police and ticketed. The student that mooned me was given an in-school suspension and was threatened with sexual harassment. The student that gave me the finger was a staff member's son and received an in-school suspension. Those were all in my first year of teaching. Now students know how to act around me. I look back and think that if I could make it through those days I could make it through anything that these kids bring to me.

One of the pigs that my student showed at the
Iowa State Fair, the hand biter. 

After school I went to my student’s farm to tag his state fair pigs. I took my oldest son with me, who is 3. I realized as we were leaving that my 3 year old was exposed to some unpleasantness that I'm not sure he was ready for. I know I can’t shelter him, but he was startled when the pigs were cornered and squealing. He didn’t understand why I had to pull the pigs hair out. I had to collect DNA, which is pulling hair. In some cases to keep the animals from moving we had to hold them down or snare them. When I was pulling hair on one of the pigs it turned it’s head and bit my hand. It didn’t break the skin, but it did leave a pretty good bruise. That was a first, and it was my fault because I wasn't paying attention. That is a prime example why needle teeth are clipped at birth. While I was in the pig pen with my student and his father, my son was taken away to play with the baby animals. My student's mom was happy to show him around. My son did like playing with the baby kitties and the baby calf. He fed the baby calf from his hand. It was really cute. This will be something I miss, going to my student’s farms to see their projects. On occasion some of my students would show me something unique like some baby raccoons they found and were raising, or the peacock that was roosting on top of their house.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to discipline other people’s children.

Countdown to the End: Day 13

It’s Cinco de Mayo today. I graduated from Iowa State University 8 years ago today. I will always remember it as Cinco de Mayo because I wanted to have a fiesta party instead of walking across the stage to receive my diploma. My parents won and I walked across the stage, and then they took me to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate.

Above: Our baby girl was born in December, 2015.
Below: My dairy foods science team, which received
4th place at State FFA competition.

First hour today one of my students asked if I was pregnant. I replied, “I look pregnant?” He said that he can just tell when teachers are, they start wearing black, look tired, and moody. I replied with raised eyebrows, “I’m moody?” He said that today I just look sad. To divert the attention away from myself I asked him more questions. I really didn’t want to lie to him, but I am pregnant. I have had morning sickness really bad all day long for the past week. It’s been very difficult to teach. Today I went to the doctors office, and a substitute covered for me at noon. My students are starting to get suspicious that something is going on. I don’t plan to tell them I’m pregnant because I’m only 7 weeks along. 

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of the school year that was devastating. I blamed the school and my job for the miscarriage. Now I don’t as much. The day it happened it was 100 degree heat, and the middle school second floor in the afternoon was an inferno. We didn’t get out early for heat, who knows why. The next morning, Saturday, I had to take a team of 4 students to dairy foods science state competition. The OB nurse that I talked to on the phone told me to stay in bed and try to rest and relax. I humored her and said okay, but I didn’t have a choice. Four students worked so hard to go to state competition, and I had to take them. Now I have accepted that it could have happened regardless of any environmental conditions. Although I’m still nervous and worried about this pregnancy. The morning sickness reminds me that the baby is alive and well. It definitely adds stress to my teaching, but it takes my mind off the fact that I only have 12 more days of my teaching career. Twelve more days to make a difference to someone, 12 more days to sell all the plants in the greenhouse, and 12 more days to plant 52 acres of soybeans.

I know I made the right decision because my life won’t be defined by dates and deadlines anymore.  

Countdown to the End: Day 14

Over 1000 plants stuffed into a school suburban
that I bought at a plant auction in February

Today the greenhouse officially opened. I didn’t get a lot of sales, but enough to notice that some flowers are missing. We have to make at least $1000 to break-even. We have already made a couple hundred today. I know we will make that mark, but I’m a little worried about our profit margin. I’m trying to convince myself that it doesn’t matter because I won’t be here to use the money raised anyway. It will be someone else’s prerogative. Our break-even amount is so high because we donate plants to the school. We have planting beds around the school to beautify the grounds for graduation. It's funny to think that I fought to get those planting beds away from the maintenance crew eight years ago. I wanted them so bad that when the head custodian said no I went out and bought $200 worth of plants with my own money. I took the receipt to the principal and asked where he would like my class to plant these. He gave me permission, and now I have 2 planting beds in front of the school for my Horticulture class. Now they are one of the extra things that we do that I see as extra work.

I asked my assistant principal if they offered the position to the first candidate, and they did. She turned it down though. I know they aren’t going to offer the position to the second candidate, but they are back to the drawing board. I’m really disappointed. I know she didn’t accept the position because the school district couldn't match what she is already getting paid at her current school. I knew this would be an issue because we don’t have a high base pay compared to other school districts in the state. Now that it’s been offered to someone and turned down I’m very concerned that they aren’t going to fill the position. My former ag teacher told me that it isn’t my concern anymore, but it’s definitely hard to let things go like that. I want my students to have a good, solid teacher. They deserve to have someone with experience, but I’m afraid time is running out. We only have 14 days left of school. They reposted the position hoping to get more applicants.

It really angers me that the school board and community hasn’t realized that they need to raise the base pay and the package to attract teachers here. If they do realize it they certainly aren’t doing anything about it. I came to this school because I negotiated my contract package. This school had the highest package. Now 8 years later they are offering less than what they offered me. However, it’s a different school board, different superintendent, different principal, and a different assistant principal.

I know I made the right decision because I won't have to hurry through a 20 minute lunch or only take bathroom breaks before school, after school, and at lunch.    

Countdown to the End: Day 15

Today I met the second interviewing candidate for my job. I was not impressed with her. When my principal brought her to my room she didn’t ask any important questions. I talked most of the time telling her about the program. Since I didn’t recognize her, and I hadn’t heard of her I started asking questions about her background. It was probably unfair of me to do that, but since it was just us I couldn’t help my curiosity. She said that she started going to college for music, but then switched to general agriculture at a community college. She then transferred to a state school, and graduated approximately 10 years after high school. She had only been teaching for a year, and had little experience. I could have overlooked most of these things if she had seemed genuinely interested in my position. She didn’t ask about any of the extra duties like the field or greenhouse, which made me think that she didn’t want to have anything to do with them. She didn’t ask about FFA, which again made me think it wasn’t high on her priority list. She also said that she wanted to stay in the Cedar Rapids area, which is why this position appealed to her. In my experience it would be easier to live closer than an hour to the town you teach in. The extra things that need to be checked on couldn’t be checked on if she lived that far away. I don’t think my administration was impressed with her either, so again we are in agreement on my replacement.

If I help students outside of the classroom, like at the State Fair,
 I usually don't have to worry about behavior issues. 

Today at the middle school I had to deal with some mean girls. In all of my eight years I have been pretty lucky that I haven’t had to deal a lot with mean girls. It is more common for me to deal with inappropriate and disrespectful boys. Boys usually give as good as they get to each other. I think I can handle that much better because I use guilt for those boys. Once I do that usually the problem takes care of itself and it’s over. Boys don’t hang onto things like girls do. At the middle school I had a couple of girls making fun of a boy that doesn’t have the best hygiene. They were saying things like for his birthday they were going to get him soap, deodorant, toothbrush, etc. I was horrified. The boy is a bit of a show off, and I know the boy gives it right back. I didn’t hear what started it though, so I asked the girls to stay after class. Once everyone left, I explained why I had held them after class. They looked at the ground and seemed embarrassed that they had been overheard making fun of a classmate. I only spent about 2 minutes speaking to them, but I think it was pretty effective. I asked them what they had to say for themselves, and they all shook their heads and continued to look at the ground. I started by saying that they had no excuse for that kind of behavior. It was mean and cruel, and how would they feel if that had been done to them. I also backed up my guilt trip with some consequences. I said that if it happens again some unpleasant detention would follow. Scraping gum off the bottom of tables is more effective than calling parents that don't do anything. I dismissed them after that. I’m anxious to see how they will be on Monday. I hope that they remember the discussion, but skip the usual girl attitude. I could go without the cool looks, and the silent treatment. If that happens my plan is to meet that behavior with smiles just to freak them out. It works.

I know I made the right decision because dealing with over 60 hormonal teens will be a thing of the past.  

Countdown to the End: Day 16

Today I would have to revise my previous opinion of my principal. I underestimated him when it came to interviewing. He introduced the candidate to me, and said he would leave her in my capable hands. I was impressed that he trusted me alone with the candidate.

Above: hydroponic lettuce seedlings
Below: harvested lettuce for the
Food Pantry 

I recognized her right away. We had met before at an Ag Teacher’s Conference. We were pregnant at the same time, and she had her kids back to back like I did. We had a great talk, and I knew right away that she would be a great fit. I gave her a tour of the classroom, greenhouse, and shop. I filled her in on the greenhouse, the field, the hydroponics systems, the FFA, etc. She asked some really good questions about facility updates, budgets, and administration. I was vague, but positive about administration. She asked why I was leaving, and I explained about staying at home with the boys. I didn't mention that I was spending too much time away from my family because of all the school responsibilities. After all, she has two little kids too, and I want her to take my job.

I went to the union representative after school to see what they could offer her. I asked him mainly because he knows the master contract better than anyone. When I discussed it with him he said the principal had already been there to discuss the same thing. I really didn’t think the principal would like her or that we would agree on the candidate. Maybe the last 5 years that I’ve had this principal I’ve been unfair in my judgments towards him. The fact that he just leaves me alone in my own area comes off as uncaring. When really that’s what teachers want, to be left alone by administration. Maybe that’s why I think he favors men because men gravitate to him because he leaves them alone. They like when administration butts out. Women see that as oblivious or uncaring. I guess it's more like he leaves me alone in my own area, and then talks to me is when he wants something done. Something that I usually ignore, and don't do. For example, he asked if I could take some of my classes to the baseball field to take soil samples. He didn't understand why the grass was patchy. I'm polite and listen to what he h

as to say, but in the end I don't have time for that. I have enough soil samples to take from the field. A field that will grow crops and yield thousands of dollars. I usually don't have time to take care of the grass in my own yard much less the baseball field's grass.

Looking back maybe I should have worked harder to build a rapport with the administration, not just my principal, but the superintendent too. I’ve always thought of my administration as unapproachable, and I wish it wasn’t that way. If I think of them that way I can't imagine what a parent must think. It would be a far better school if administration was more involved.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to work extra duties that are in our contract, like working concessions at a football game.

Countdown to the End: Day 17

Today is my son’s 2^nd birthday. We had a little party for him this morning at the breakfast table. I’m really excited for dinner tonight. If he thought the balloons meant a party, I’m sure he will love the cake and special dinner. After he went to bed last night I worked on making his treats to take to daycare. I printed minion faces to put around Twinkies. I thought about going the healthy route, but he's only 2. He has his entire school career to take healthy treats because the school makes them be healthy. Thank you Michelle Obama. This weekend we are planning a birthday party with friends and family at my mother-in-law's.

Above is his birthday breakfast.
Below is his minion cake. 

State Convention, my husband's kidney stones, the banquet, the World Food Prize, and my son's birthday have all occurred within the last 10 days. It's been pretty difficult to balance everything. I do have terrific help though. Our parents may live two hours away, but you'd never know it with as much as they help us. School things are always made easier by my students, especially when they haven't given up on anything even though they know I won't be here next year. I always feel better knowing that I can always ask for help.

Today my principal came into my classroom, and had me sign off on my portfolio. He then mentioned that they were interviewing two applicants tomorrow and Friday for my job. I then asked some other teachers if they were in on the interview process. Many said no, so now I’m a little worried that if it’s just my principal in on the interview he will pick the male over the female every time. I’m not sure what the gender choice is for the candidates, but it is obvious that he feels more comfortable with males than females. I call it the boys club here. The men in the building like him because he can talk to them about fishing or sports, and he leaves them alone to do what they want in their classrooms. The females in the building roll their eyes because he doesn’t say anything to them at all, not even a good morning while passing in the hall. He only asks us to do things that are his jobs. An example of this is when he emailed me about monitoring the parking by the greenhouse. I’m not going to leave my classroom to check out who is parked by the greenhouse, and then hunt that student down to have them move their vehicle. I can deal with the boys club. I use it to my advantage because I know he's not as comfortable with me, so when I go into his office to ask for something he usually says yes because he wants to end the meeting as soon as possible. At least that's what I assume is going on. I might just be a great negotiator. I learned early on to ask for things in person, not through email. It's too easy to say no through an email.

I would say that if my administrators had been different I might have stayed longer, or I would have tried harder to work out a way to balance my family life and school life. I know administrators come and go, and I could have waited for these administrators to go, but the morale in the building is just so low. It feels like our administration doesn’t care about us. I know we aren’t paying them to care, but they at least need to be excellent leaders to give the teachers what they need to be excellent teachers. It's high stress for teachers because not only are we expected to teach students curriculum, we are also expected to care and help raise these students. Why shouldn't we hold administrators to a higher standard? I know many people have problems with their bosses and they suck it up, quit whining, and deal with it. This is what many teachers in our district do everyday because they have to. I'm thankful I won't have to do that anymore, but my biggest concern for the future of education still remains the administration in schools.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to do another portfolio, or career plan, or formal observation

Countdown to the End: Day 18

I spent the first two periods working in the greenhouse. First hour was with my Horticulture class, and 2^nd hour was my prep hour. I was organizing and cleaning, so we can open up to the public by Friday. I really like being in the greenhouse. I like seeing immediate results of my efforts.

I started cleaning out my office and desk today. I know that things need to be more organized, and I need to throw a lot of paperwork away. As I was going through things I found a file folder with letters student’s wrote to themselves my first year of teaching. I said I would mail the letter to them 10 years later. I started looking up addresses to mail them back. I hope they understand I didn’t make the 10 years. I think 8 is close enough. Some of the students sealed them in envelopes, and I respect their need for privacy. Others wrote on the top that it was okay for me to read their's. The one I read wasn’t well thought out. I felt that the student really didn’t write down anything valid, and I wondered if anyone took the activity seriously. I put them all in the mail anyway.

As I continued going through my filing cabinets it reminded me of my first year of teaching when I had to go through 10 filing cabinets and a lab area that was jammed full of papers. The filing cabinets were full of papers that I mostly recycled. I found a $20 bill in one, and a check from 1982 made out to the FFA for $30. I wasn't even born in 1982. Tucked away in a cabinet I found a cast iron cream separator from the 50s that is still in the back of my room. I’m really not sure what to do with it. The Apple 1 computer with the floppy disks that still works is impressive. I have that on a top shelf in my office.

I started collecting boxes for my books from college. I kept all my Horticulture, Agronomy, and Agbusiness books. I’m thinking that as I pack them away in boxes they will just be stored away in my basement or thrown out. I also thought about just leaving them here for the next person, but what if I ever want to teach again? I probably won’t use those books anyway because they will be obsolete. With every student having an iPAD the internet is the new book. I don’t forsee that changing much in the future. Students want fast results to their questions, and they get that from the internet. The internet is now much more entertaining than my dog and pony show. It’s funny to think that when I started I was cleaning out the last 30 plus years of the latest technology to make room for new technology. Now that new technology when I first started is obsolete, and I’m throwing out to make room for the next thing. Pretty soon computers will replace teachers.

We have had many professional developments about how to use the iPADs to increase student learning. Some teachers use them for everything, other teachers don't know how to turn them on. Laptops would be so much better for high schoolers instead of iPADs. Apps are great and all, but try writing a research paper on an iPAD. It makes sense to give every student a computer or device because they are generation z, which means they don't know a world without the internet, cell phones, and computers. My middle schoolers don't know a world without Facebook. Teachers have been taught how to teach to this generation using the ever evolving technology. It gets exhausting, and really frustrating when all students know is technology. Students believe everything they read on the internet.

The iPADs are great for students making movies. 

This safety video was made for the Central States

Region FFA competition. We got first place and won $1000.

A student raised his hand in my animal science class, and he asked if the ocean was salty because of all the whale semen. This was before iPADs, so he couldn't just look it up. I was silent for a minute, and just stared at the student in disbelief. I was trying to decide if he was serious. He knew I was shocked, so he informed me that he heard it on TV. I asked him if he believed everything he heard on TV. He said yeah, most of it. TVs aren't the newest technology, but students still believe everything they hear and see on them. Obviously, not a good choice.

I know I made the right decision because I won’t have to worry about keeping up with the latest and greatest technology.  

Countdown to the End: Day 19

Last night was our annual banquet, and I thought it went well. We had more people than past years, and I suspect it's because it was my last one. It could have also been the catered food and the cake. My only regret is that my family wasn’t able to be there. This is the first banquet that my husband has missed. He is usually the one that keeps me calm, and helps me problem solve. The kidney stones kept him in bed all weekend. I am grateful that my mother-in-law drove two hours to our house to watch the boys while my husband stayed in bed. She even brought supper, which I was so grateful for. I haven’t been to the grocery store in two weeks. We have a freezer full of meat, and a pantry full of veggies, so my family isn’t starving.

Graduation sashes awarded to qualifying seniors

I was happy to give out awards, and we raised a little money with the silent auction. After the officers gave their retiring addresses I gave mine. I didn't plan to give one or have anything prepared, but that's what it turned out to be. I said that I wouldn't just miss the students, but I would miss the families too. I knew them very well because I had all their children in my program. For most families this year they were graduating their youngest, and I taught all the siblings. I told families that these students spent more time in my classroom than anywhere else in the high school. I taught some students twice or three times in a day because I teach 7 different classes for them to choose from, the repeat offenders. I said that even without me as a teacher, the program is still one that needs to be built and kept growing for all the repeat offenders.

When we were done with the program, and we were cleaning up a parent and former student gave me a present and a card. I also received some presents from my students and a big card signed by everyone. It was very nice. I read the cards when I got home, and they were very sweet. A former student wrote a 2 page letter thanking me for my efforts, and pushing her to do her best. She wrote that the one time that she failed me was when she didn’t run for a district office. I remember that time well because I was disappointed in her, but it made me realize that I push students sometimes too hard. I push them because I see their potential even when they don’t see it. My former student is a junior in college and she still remembers that time. I don’t want her to hold onto that memory of disappointment, but I want her to push herself now. She is contemplating vet school now. I’m still pushing her to do it.

I spent the day in Ames at the Iowa Youth Institute for the World Food Prize. The schedule was pretty tight, but I worked it out. My son had an ear examination at the Ears Nose and Throat Dr. in Ames. So my mom picked up my son from daycare, then picked up my husband from work, and picked me up from the World Food Prize. We all went to the Dr, and thankfully his ears checked out fine. While I was at the Dr my student attended the Iowa State tours, and was supervised by another Ag teacher in case of emergency. When I got back it was time for the roundtable discussion where students discussed their research papers. My student had to pick a country and a factor affecting that country. Her country was Malawi and her factor was education. I observed the two-hour roundtable discussion, and I was very impressed with all of the students. The students made the connection that education is a privilege, and hunger is more complex than just giving hungry people food. They were genuinely concerned about feeding 9 billion people by 2050. It's a major world concern, but it’s not something I would expect a 16 year old to be concerned with. The facilitators of the roundtable did a good job motivating students to always strive forward because they are the future, and they are the ones who can change the world.

I know I made the right decision because taking my son to the Dr won't have to involve 4 different adults with 3 different pick ups and drop offs.

Countdown to the End: Day 20

Dr. Will Keim spoke at the State FFA Convention, and he said that to live a full life you have 25,000 days. Since I’m 29 years old I only have approximately 14,000 days left. I used 2,920 days teaching, and I used 5,840 days being a student myself. I would say that I’ve given my days to education. I’m happy about that, and I don’t ever want to stop learning. Most students really hate school, and therefore, as adults they hate school and learning of any kind. This makes me sad because it means that society isn’t moving forward, it’s staying the same or in some cases moving backward. My goal has always been to make students learn. Many teachers say that you can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. This is how they refer to students. I disagree with this statement completely, but I’m in an elective area with many options for instruction. I can stand in front of the room and do a dog and pony show, but if they don’t like it or get it I need to move onto the next dog and pony show. I’m not saying entertain students, but I am saying make them learn without them knowing it. Teaching is hard enough without the dog and pony show, but if students don’t get it the first time you better have plan B ready, and then plan C, and then plan D. I’m lucky because I have so many options in which to teach kids. I have a greenhouse, a shop, a field, a lab, and a classroom. If I can learn everyday, so can my students.

Greenhouse full of
spring bedding plants

Today during my dog and pony show my phone started buzzing. I would normally ignore it and go on with the show; however, today I looked at it, saw it was my husband, and went into the hall to answer it. He said he was going to the emergency room because he had terrible pain around his kidney area. I wanted to leave class right away, but he told me to stay and finish teaching and pick up our kids from daycare. I finished teaching at the middle school and traveled back to the high school, where my two senior girls were frantically trying to finish things up for the banquet on Sunday night. I called my husband every half hour with updates of what was going on. After school we still didn’t have everything done for the banquet, but I had to go to the Nature Center, which is where the banquet will be held, to get the keys and take the tour of the place. From there I drove 15 minutes away to another town to pick up our kids from daycare. By then my husband was discharged from the hospital with kidney stones. When we all arrived home my husband was sick from the pain medication, and my sons were excited to see Daddy. Once my husband was tucked in bed, and my sons were clean, full, and in pjs I was content to think about my to do list for the banquet on Sunday night.

I know I made the right decision because I can rush to the emergency room with my kids in tow at a moments notice.  

Countdown to the End: Day 21

It’s hard to believe that in a month I won’t be a teacher anymore. I woke up sad and angry about that, sad because this is it for me, and angry because of societies judgment on teachers. My husband woke up this morning and decided he was going to take a vacation day today. He said not a lot was going on at work and he has over 250 hours of vacation. It’s the end of April, and he has close to a month of vacation. I was jealous, and he joked around with me and said that I have all summer off. I didn’t think that was funny because it’s been a sore spot for me. Many community members have responded to teachers in that same way, and they complain that we are overpaid. I always want to respond to these people, but being that I’m a teacher in the community I can’t do that. So instead I will respond here. 

I applied for many grants to help fund our projects.
 In 2014 we were awarded over $10,000 in grants. 

Personally I get less than a month off because I have an extended contract, which takes place during the summer. The greenhouse doesn’t stop; the field doesn’t stop; and FFA events don’t stop. The community expects me to do these things. The last two years I have logged more hours than I’m getting paid for, so my little month off is whittled away. Other teachers that don’t have extended contracts are here early and leave late, or they will take their papers home with them. Many teachers carry backpacks for their own homework. Planning a thorough lesson, grading papers, and responding to administration demands takes a lot of time. They put in more hours during the school year that when averaged out year round would take away at least half of their summer. The school day doesn’t end when we leave the building. I have had students email me at 9pm asking about an assignment due the next day. I have had parents call me after 9pm to ask about how their daughter is doing in class. You never stop being a teacher. As for holidays off, I would ask people in the community if they have those days off as well. My parents have worked blue collar jobs all my life and they get paid holidays off. My husband gets his holidays off and then some. It really sticks in my craw when people say that we are overpaid. Since I log my hours it’s easy for me to divide out what I’m getting paid an hour, which is less than minimum wage. Teachers don’t log their hours, I do because the district makes me. 

Why would parents complain about what a teacher makes when they are instructed to help raise their son or daughter? Teachers spend more time with societies teenagers than anyone else. It’s more than 8 hours that students spend at school. I instruct students on more socials cues than I spend on Agriculture some days. I have to tell them to take their hats off; not just because it’s a school rule, but because it’s a sign of respect when you enter a building. It’s a requirement when you enter a public building. I have to pull students aside after class and tell them that they can’t yawn loudly in my class again. Most have the blank look on their face, like what did I do. It’s rude. The most common things I say are don’t talk when someone else is talking, don’t be inappropriate, don’t be rude, and don’t swear. I try to get through to students that you wouldn't be allowed to do this on a job site. Even construction workers and welders have rules similar to this. Society wants to pay teachers less, and give them smaller budgets to teach with when we are the ones building society. We are the ones expected to help raise their children.

I know I made the right choice because I was a teacher by choice, not by chance; now I will be a mother by choice, not by chance.

Countdown to the End: Day 22

Earth Day

I’m really excited to be home early today. I can actually do the mundane household things. Doing those mundane things is usually a stress reliever, but it’s such a busy time of year that my mind is going in so many different directions. Just coming off of state convention to go into our banquet on Sunday is crazy. I like to have the banquet after state convention because I get ideas from state convention. If we have it into May we run into graduation parties. I really try to award as many students as possible at the banquet without loosing the integrity of it.

A co worker today just said I looked tired. I responded that it’s really hard to keep up with everything. I don’t feel like I’m slowing down or coasting my way out of teaching. I really don’t even know if I could let myself do that. My list of things grows longer as people ask about doing different things for the graduation and having students complete projects. I really like having my students do different things and become involved in the community, but that is probably why I’m choosing to walk away from teaching. It’s too much only because I make it too much. I could say no to most everyone that asked me to do things.

My to do list:

Call the town's chamber of commerce to talk about planting pots for the city

Pick up the city planters and plant them with the greenhouse plants

Organize the greenhouse to get ready for plant sales

Make greenhouse fliers to distribute

Find some hostas that can be planted by the elementary after school program kids

Finish the program for our banquet

Finish the script for the banquet (my retiring address?)

Get table clothes and decorations for the banquet

Call the caterer for the banquet to confirm the number of attendees

Print the certificates and get the plaques, pins, and sashes organized

Finish the silent auction items that students are making (solve problems for students so they can get them completed)

Do a press release for the State convention

Finish requisition forms for materials next year: $2000 budget

Find out how much money is left from my $5000 grant from this fall, and spend it

Check on the invoices that I sent to the office: pay them

Organize fertilizer for the field

It helps to keep a list, and it’s even better when I can start deleting or crossing things off. I also delegate much of this out to students. I have interns that can do some of this. My officer team is really good, and they can do most of the banquet items.

This was made by the FFA president for our banquet

I know I made the right choice because I won’t have to organize another banquet to award other people’s children.  

Countdown to the End: Day 23

Today the bus left at 6:45am out of the high school parking lot with 20 students. Today was day 2 of State FFA Leadership Conference. We went up on stage and won a few plaques and awards. I spent 12 hours with students and I had such mixed emotions throughout the day. By lunch time I was so glad that I wasn’t coming back to teaching. Students were acting immature, and they really couldn’t handle it. I was the badass mother by noon today.

South Tama received these
 plaques and awards. 

After lunch when we won the awards and students went up on stage, I had a sophomore student ask me how he could get up on stage to win an award. This broke my heart because I couldn’t tell him how. I didn’t know how because I wasn’t going to be his teacher anymore. If more students asked that question and they followed my instructions to meet that goal, I would think twice about leaving. Every student wants to be up on stage at state, but very few are willing to work for it. I know what it takes to win, but if they aren’t dedicated enough to work at it I can’t get them up on stage.

At the last session I gave my students instructions of where to meet up after they walked across the stage. My student said he wanted to stay, and I said that could be arranged. I was kidding around, and he said “you just need to enjoy this…..it’s your last one.” This was all through a text message, so he didn’t see the devastated look on my face. I’m always rushing around getting students where they need to be and doing head counts that I forgot that this is my last session ever. I tried to do what he said. I really tried to enjoy it. I stopped poking students to stay awake, or to put their feet down, or to put their phones away, or to stop rudely yawning loudly, or to stop wearing a Birthday Buffalo paper hat. I sat back and listened to the speaker. The one story that really stuck with me was that he compared life to cheating on a test. Obviously, since I’m a teacher hearing the words cheating on a test got my attention. He told the story of how he made up a test when his teacher was teaching another class. The different class was also taking a test that day, and another classmate cheated off of his test. Since it wasn’t his class it was a different test. He compared that to life. He explained that we all aren’t taking the same tests, but we try to take the same tests in life and “cheat” off of each other. We all have different strengths and weaknesses that make us ideal for certain vocations, but yet we try to fit into the same mold.

I know I made the right decision because I will raise my own children and not someone else's.

Countdown to the End: Day 24

Students packaging Meals from the
Heartland at State FFA Convention. 

Today I took 18 students to State FFA Convention on the Iowa State Campus. We stopped in a town along the way to pick up an advisor and her 12 students. We have traveled to events before together, and she is one of the advisors that we go to National FFA Convention with in Kentucky. I really like that Ag teachers are such a close nit community, and we really help each other. In sports other coaches know and respect each other, but they wouldn’t necessarily help the competition. It’s understood that this job is hard enough without being an expert on dozens of different topics, so Ag teachers share material with each other. Even notes on how to train a team have been shared with me. I call it the Ag teachers code. Everyone knows that the retention for Ag teachers is very low, so anything that we can do to make it easier for each other is what we do. In the classroom Ag teachers are their own islands within the school district. However, our Ag islands dot the state and are connected by our common understanding of craziness. Every Ag teacher is just a little crazy, which bonds us together. It’s just that crazy that keeps us going.

Today I tried to recruit student teachers into taking my teaching position. Many of them already had jobs outside of teaching. I tried to persuade them out of it, but they would be walking away from a job that paid far more than teaching to do far less. I couldn’t argue with that when I was walking away from teaching. As I was on the recruitment hunt I spoke with another Ag teacher that said he knew someone that applied for my position. I didn’t know anything about it. I was very surprised, and I stopped trying to recruit soon to be Iowa State grads.

My students went through the career show, and got many free things, like a selfie stick. By the end of the day I was so sick of seeing the selfie stick. They sat through a session and listened to an inspirational speaker. The inspirational speaker was funny, but it seemed like it was geared more for college age students. He swore a few times, and he spoke casually about sex and drinking. I know these are things that high school age students deal with, but high school teachers still have to answer to parents. His message was to give everyone the 10 things needed to be successful in life. Some of it touched on religion, which was personally okay with me, but I couldn’t believe that it was being allowed. The speaker mentioned that he was a minister, and again it was great to hear morality being taught to students before they are 18, but it seems so contradictory. A couple of years ago a retiring FFA officer gave an address where he said he was gay, which was a surprise to everyone. Many school administrators, teachers, and parents had a huge issue with that. They were concerned that it wasn’t the right time and place and should never have happened. I thought the student had tremendous courage for doing that. Now, two years later, we have “reflections” before each session, which are prayers, and many officers and keynote speakers addressing religion and God. We can’t speak publicly about homosexuality, but we can speak publicly about God? This is the exact opposite of school. Most schools encourage gay straight alliance clubs, while they prohibit any teachings of religion or God. I would really like parents to stop being offended by every little thing, including religion and homosexuality. As a teacher I can’t say Thanksgiving because most Native Americans don’t celebrate it. We can’t say Christmas or Easter, all of these breaks from school are known as holiday breaks. I understand that names can sometimes hit a nerve with people, but why would you want your child exposed to less? That's not how the world is. Parents can give their children direction on sexual orientation and religion, but what happens when parents don't give direction? It's usually left up to schools to give those kids direction. I hope my child learns from the example that I set, but I want them exposed to other religions and people that are different. I want them to be prepared for the real world. 

I know I made a good choice because I won’t have to be stuck in a bus loaded with students on a long trip.